Be a Grandparent...even when the shiny paper falls away

What does it mean to be a grandparent?  What do we expect our role to be? What do we expect? As one friend says, that Normal Rockwell gets us into trouble. 

So we, OK, I have these fantasies. I will be treasured. I will offer the perfect experience. We will bond. Any present I offer will be graciously received with wide eyes, delight, and a possible thank you note.  I will have something to offer along the lines of wisdom.  Someone will want hear what I have to say.  I will be “in on it,” when something wonderful happens in the children’s and grandchildren’s lives.

The grandchildren will be a source of “meaning making” and “making special,” in my life and in my husband’s life.  We will be welcome and seen as part of the family unit. 

And…our children will parent, will want to parent, will accept the responsibilities of parenthood and put the children’s needs before their own.  They will be tired but grateful.  They will understand that we, too, are not perfect and don’t behave as they would like at every minute but will accept us as family and accept the inconvenience and messiness that family sometime brings. 

Taking a breath…life is what it is and it is good. So…I am supposed to be the grown up, to understand that life has its ups and downs, that some words uttered hurt but are not to be made into the grain of sand that grows into a big fat pearl of resentment and unforgiveness.

I am called to understand that my children make their own decisions about how to parent as did I. I am not perfect and they are not perfect. I learn to text and am grateful for a one or two word response. Occasionally an email will pop up on my cell phone. An occasional picture will be shared and I will save it to my photo gallery and show everyone I know who understands and some who don’t!

I will learn to bring my expectations out in the light of day, hold them up, turn them around and then release them.  I will open up to possibilities of connection and listen for gift ideas that are just right. I will wipe a tear from my eye, one of pure joy, one of hurt. I will take a breath and be grateful for moments. I will say a prayer than I can stay the course of love and joy along the time table of others. I will be patient…or not…I will go with the flow or occasionally curl inward for healing moments, take a breath and start again. I will turn to a friend, another grandparent, who has his or her own story and we will take a breath and laugh and cry and pick ourselves up and go on.

I will get a life of my own so I continue to bring my whole self to whatever life reveals.  I will trust that what I have to offer is enough and savor the opportunities I am given. I will be patient, let time pass…whine to my husband, and occasionally turn to chocolate. I will grandparent other children who appear in our lives. Life is good and just as it should be with or without shiny paper.

And here is the progress on my bird mixed media piece along my spiritual journey…this is me getting a life.

 

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“Every time a child is born, a grandparent is born, too”

You don’t have to be a biological grandparent to offer grand parenting.

Check out “7 Unbreakable Rules of Being a Grandparent,” by Barbara Graham which include: see yourself as a Relief pitcher on the bench, ready to be called. At http://www.grandparents.com/family-and-relationships/family-matters/barbara-grahams-7-laws-of-grandparenting